It’s amazing to look back, no? It’s so wonderful to have to opportunity to look back at a year or more and see what has happened to you. In the past year, alot has happened to me. I got a job, broke up with a suitor, changed my position at work, got a wonderful boyfriend, and now am working from home. This past year has been full of new things relationship wise for me. For 21 years, I went without ever being on a date, having a boyfriend, getting kissed, almost everything that 14 year old girls experience today, I had not.
It was rather scary, then, when my dad told me that he and a guy had been talking and the guy was seriously interested in me as a future mate. (for the record, I am now in the camp of tell the girl yourself, guys! though it was sweet of him to go through my dad, I do kinda wish he had come and talked to me himself, rather then having my dad do all the important talking to me.) Now I was surprised at this, because it was the last guy in the world I would have expected and honestly, even when dad first brought it up, I had a feeling this wouldn’t work. But I was willing to try. Hey, I was 21, still single, and wanted to get married! But I did not rush into a wedding, for the record. So the guy and I started talking. And it was good. I got to know the guy more in the way of the man he is going to become, which was exciting. I’m really glad I got to do that. We talked vie txt chat for about 2 weeks and at the end of the 2 weeks, I happened to be up where he lived (he lives in another state from me) and we met. After that meeting, we were ready to considering going forward deeper, but older, wiser advice said ‘break it off’. We listened and did so.
That was hard for me. I had not meant to give any pieces of my heart to him, but I discovered that while my heart was still mine, I had made a place in it for him and that spot was now empty. It hurt. However, since we did it in a courtship manner, it felt like that should not have happened, so I shouldn’t talk about the fact that it hurt to not be his girl anymore. It took about 3 months for me to really work out the issues I had. So those who push courtship, be aware that she will hurt. He will still hurt. They didn’t do anything wrong, but just being around another person for any length of time, especially since courtship really opens the door to ‘we may be together forever’, it will leave a gap for a while. Girls, if you are in a courtship relationship and it breaks off, let your heart hurt. Find someone who you can trust and tell them. And if you can’t do that, journal. God is always ready to hear your hurts and help you.
That was pretty much all I had at the time. God and paper. Where I was working, no one really had known I had a boyfriend/young man (I didn’t want to call him my boyfriend at the time), so I couldn’t really talk to them about it. Again, another layer of can’t say anything. The guy and I had decided not to tell anyone, which makes sense, but did make it hard for me to work through my issues when we broke up, because I felt like I had no one to talk to. (Not his fault, btw) I did have people to talk to in my family, but again, I didn’t want to say too much because I didn’t want to make it sound like I had given him my heart.
So through all the stress of that, I ended up changing my position at work, going from full to part time (almost part time :P ), and starting to work things out myself. Around that time, I started to consider changing churches and around my 22nd birthday, it became clear to me that I needed to go worship somewhere else. It was nothing related to the pastor or anything like that, it was all me. There were completely innocent things happening at church that were giving Satan toe holds in my mind and I had so much trouble focusing on God, rather then on the fact that I was single. In March of this year, I started attending a different church and it has been such a blessing. I feel that I am actually growing, rather then just attending. There are possibilities for service for me, there are people who love to see me and who I love to see. It feels like a family. So I am glad for the change.
Also in February, I decided that I was finally ready to join an online dating site. I had considered doing that for years, but it never felt like the right time or anything, so I never did. But it finally felt like the right time. So I did. At the end of February, I met a young man on Christianmingle.com, hours before his subscription expired and hours after mine had begun (God has amazing timing :) ). It’s now been almost 5 months and we are still talking regularly, almost every day. He is on the other side of the country (God didn’t make it easy :) ), but technology is so amazing that I can still connect with him.
There are things about this guy that just amaze me at times. For example, I don’t feel any pressure to change the woman I am to fit a image of woman that he has. He likes me for being me. He’s a good deal older then me, so he has somethings figured out better then I do. I don’t quite know how this will all work out (I haven’t been able to travel up and meet him yet), but this relationship has been a great one so far.
So girls, there is hope out there :) . If you really wait on God, he will work things out. Maybe not in the way you expected, but he does have a plan and he will make all things work to the good of those who love him. Follow him and things will work out eventually. That sounds so trite, but it really isn’t.