BIG News and Change

23 Nov

Since May, when I last posted, some pretty big things have happened. I moved out on my own, kinda in prep for when I married, went up to spend a WHOLE week with my boyfriend in New York (his home) and when I got there, he had a surprise for me.

A ring! Yep, Edwin asked me (Tabitha) to marry him and I said yes! So excited for this big change in my life.

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Edwin has some pretty major health issues that I have known about from the start, so we will live in New York where he is established in the medical community. Perhaps one day we will move, but that is for the future. So at this time I am preparing to move to New York state next fall.

And we are also in the beginning stages of planning a wedding :). And I am going to be making not only my wedding gown, but also I will be helping my mother make the bridesmaides gowns, so there will be more sewing progress posts coming.

The Sunflower

15 May

Imagine a beautiful yellow Sunflower. It’s tall and strong, with lovely petals and full leaves. It stands in a garden, among other beautiful flowers. The other flowers are different, roses, daisy’s, geraniums. All the flowers are beautiful and all together they make a beautiful picture.

 

One day people come into the garden. They admire the flowers, including the Sunflower. But as time goes by, it seems to the Sunflower that the other flowers are more admired then she is. The rose is nurtured, while she needs very little obvious attention. The daisy’s are picked and played with, while the Sunflower is too big for braiding into chains.

 

Slowly the flowers begin to be picked. Off go the roses, dance away the daisy’s, parade away the geraniums. All, but the Sunflower. She is still admired, but now only from afar. She seems to need nothing, so she is left alone.

 

Sunflower begins to draw away. The sun seems to be the only one who as any interest in her, showering her with warmth. She reaches up to the sun, striving only to please it. She still puts out a good show, petals of yellow and full leaves, but there is more of an imperial air about her. She is only admired from a distance. Yet the Sunflower longs to be picked and chosen, to know that she is just as wanted as the rose or daisy.

 

One day a Shepard enters the garden. He admires and touches all the flowers in the garden. Sunflower resents this and draws her self up as high as she can. Gently, the Shepard approaches the Sunflower. The Shepard is very handsome and seems so kind that the Sunflower longs to relax and let him touch her. But at the same time she afraid to be rejected by him, so she keeps herself tall and aloof.

 

The Shepard is not deterred. With soft hands, the Shepard starts to smooth out the stiff leaves of Sunflower. The fact that she resists him doesn’t stop him. He keeps his attentions on her, moving down her stem to the ground around her roots. Gently he begins to loosen the dirt and prepares to move her into a large pot. This frightens the Sunflower. Where is this Shepard taking her? What horrors does he have in store for her?

 

It is strange to her, but the Shepard does have a plan. He takes the pot with Sunflower in it to another garden. HIS garden. There all the flowers reach for the sun and strive to be as beautiful as they can to gain the Shepard’s attention first. He plants the Sunflower in this garden.

 

Everyday the Shepard comes out and dotes on the Sunflower. All the attention she has needed and desired is now hers. Soft hands to warm her and gentle waters to revive her. Food she has never tried and love that she has never known is hers now.

 

 

 

 

Looking at who?

11 Oct

Recently something big happened for me and it showed me some scary things about me, the biggest thing being what I focus on.  I’ve always given the impression of a good christian girl. And I know it. I have groomed that image since I was about 14 and realized I had such an image. However, even good girls have their issues. However, if we are portraying an image and something happens in our lives that would break that image, at least in our minds, then we try our dang hardest to not show it. Period. Problems are hidden, not dealt with. But that doesn’t mean the problems go away. It just means they lay dormant, waiting for the moment to strike and ruin your life.

My biggest problem is fear. I am a girl who is terrified of things. I worry, I stress about every significant and insignificant thing that comes my way (it drives my boyfriend nuts ;) ). Actually, I think I do it more over insignificant things then significant ones. But the fear of failing, of making the wrong choice, of messing up, of dropping my image in people’s eyes, that drives me many times. Usually it drives me to not speak to someone when I should, or not to do something God is telling me to do. Or just hid in my room when I should be out doing things, not only for God, but with people. And that fear almost kept me from doing something that I hope will turn out amazing.

You might not know this, but my boyfriend and I live in completely different states. Actually, we are not only in different states, but in different time zones, with like 3 hours difference. It stinks. And it also makes it really hard to meet. As of this writing, we have not had a in person meeting yet. However, that is going to change soon. My father and I have made plans to go meet him. Yet this almost didn’t happen for one reason. I was afraid.

My good father sat me down and was honest with me, saying that this is a big expense blah blah, this might not move things forward, we are just going to scope things out etc. All this I know.

(Okay, I feel like I need some background here. There are good reasons why my guy and I shouldn’t work out. The distance is one. He has major medical issues and is currently not working (though he hates not working). I’m 10 years younger then him. etc)

So I know that things might and probably won’t end up like in the romance movies (those things are such dreams, no?). That is something I thought I had dealt with. But when it came to spending a huge amount of money and energy on this and getting told rather depressing things, all the fears I thought I had dealt with months ago resurfaced. All the fears about being alone again and wasting people’s time and effort rose to the top and filled my view port on life. Suddenly life went from looking hopeful and good to looking very dark and very wrong and I felt like I had royally messed up. I mean, honestly, why didn’t I just do it like other people who find a guy who has a job or lives within a reasonable driving range? Why did I find one who is on the other side of the country and has no job or current prospects?

See, the problem is that all my concerns and such are valid (except maybe for that last question). They are good reasons to look closely at this relationship and make sure it’s going the right way. But things start going wrong when I look at the problems and go “There is nothing I can do to solve these HUGE problems. I might as well give up, since the problem is bigger then me.” That is not the answer. The answer to any problem is the same answer Daniel found when he was in the lion’s den. Look at GOD! Don’t look at the problems, look at the one who is bigger then ANY problem in the world. Sure, I don’t understand how God will get us through these problems. But I have to have faith that God will make a way through the problems (since He doesn’t usually take us around them, but through them so we come out stronger and more trusting) or He will provide the strength to step away and pick up the pieces and start over.

The Lord Jehovah is an amazing God. Lord of the Universe, Almighty One, Prince Of Peace, Lord of Hosts, Majesty. There is nothing that can compare with Him. Not even 2000 miles distance. Not even a major health problem. Nothing. And He is so big, He will always be there to hold me and guide me and strengthen me and you.

So who are you looking at? Are you looking at the problems that look so big? Or are you looking at the God who is so big, He holds the world in his palm? What is there to worry about?

Jedi!

9 Oct

Jedi are AWESOME! From their lightsabers to their awesome robes, they are awesome. 

Just think how awesome you will be as a Jedi this Halloween.

 

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For $100, you can have your own, tailor-made Jedi for Halloween this year and years to come. High quality work from experienced seamstress Tabitha, your costume will be a big hit for years to come. 

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Costume peices include the Jedi Tunic, Obi (cloth belt), and Tabbards. These can be customized as you choose. Add in a skirt or pair of pants, leather belt, boots, and a lightsaber, and you have a Jedi. 

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Email Tabitha at azdreamproductions@gmail.com to commission your Jedi. Do it soon. Commissions need to be received by October 19th to be ready by Halloween. Tabitha takes commissions year round as well. 

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All costume pieces are Rebel Legion approved. 

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Photos by Adelyn Photography, copyright 2012

Picnic Padme: Complete! (for now)

3 Oct

This post is months over due. I was so happy to have my beautiful Padme outfit completed just in time for my friends Alex and Kate’s wedding. It was a wonderful wedding and I’m so happy I was able to attend and it was so much fun to wear my pretty dress to it.

TADA!

The outfit actually turned out pretty well.  The skirts and top I had alot of trouble getting the right color and they still aren’t quite the right color.  When I applied for the Rebel Legion with this outfit, I was told the corset was too dark. That is one way of looking at it :P . I lean more toward the skirts and top are too light. They also don’t have the embroidery they should have, but that is because I didn’t do it before I sewed everything together (kinda forgot about it :P ). I would LOVE to remake the skirts and top in silk chiffon, cus I think they would take the dye better.  That or find a way to dye the nylon of the shawl a color like a poly chiffon I can get at Joann’s.

The shawl isn’t too bad, but it’s not as full as I would really like and the flowers really are too big.  Since i have not yet found a good fabric for the shawl, I would probably have to hand embroider the whole thing, so I have not yet worked on it.  I have a pattern for the roses, but i have not started testing it yet.

So pretty! The roses added SO much!

Beautiful finished corset :) . That I am pretty happy with for sure. I am tempted to make another one and straighten out the embroidery (it’s not quite centered), but that is minor :) .

The bun covers I made with some yarn we had laying around. I found some other yarn we have that is thinner and more metalic, and I’m tempted to make another set of covers with that. But these do work. The headband I kinda threw together the night before the wedding, so it’s not the best, but it’s also not the worst :) .

It was worth it all

With all the imperfections, the dress is still awesome and I’m so happy to have finished it :) .

Reflection and Relationships

20 Jul

It’s amazing to look back, no?  It’s so wonderful to have to opportunity to look back at a year or more and see what has happened to you. In the past year, alot has happened to me. I got a job, broke up with a suitor, changed my position at work, got a wonderful boyfriend, and now am working from home. This past year has been full of new things relationship wise for me. For 21 years, I went without ever being on a date, having a boyfriend, getting kissed, almost everything that 14 year old girls experience today, I had not.

It was rather scary, then, when my dad told me that he and a guy had been talking and the guy was seriously interested in me as a future mate.  (for the record, I am now in the camp of tell the girl yourself, guys! though it was sweet of him to go through my dad, I do kinda wish he had come and talked to me himself, rather then having my dad do all the important talking to me.)  Now I was surprised at this, because it was the last guy in the world I would have expected and honestly, even when dad first brought it up, I had a feeling this wouldn’t work.  But I was willing to try. Hey, I was 21, still single, and wanted to get married!  But I did not rush into a wedding, for the record.  So the guy and I started talking.  And it was good.  I got to know the guy more in the way of the man he is going to become, which was exciting.  I’m really glad I got to do that.  We talked vie txt chat for about 2 weeks and at the end of the 2 weeks, I happened to be up where he lived (he lives in another state from me) and we met.  After that meeting, we were ready to considering going forward deeper, but older, wiser advice said ‘break it off’.  We listened and did so.

That was hard for me.  I had not meant to give any pieces of my heart to him, but I discovered that while my heart was still mine, I had made a place in it for him and that spot was now empty.  It hurt.  However, since we did it in a courtship manner, it felt like that should not have happened, so I shouldn’t talk about the fact that it hurt to not be his girl anymore.  It took about 3 months for me to really work out the issues I had.  So those who push courtship, be aware that she will hurt.  He will still hurt.  They didn’t do anything wrong, but just being around another person for any length of time, especially since courtship really opens the door to ‘we may be together forever’, it will leave a gap for a while.  Girls, if you are in a courtship relationship and it breaks off, let your heart hurt.  Find someone who you can trust and tell them.  And if you can’t do that, journal.  God is always ready to hear your hurts and help you.

That was pretty much all I had at the time. God and paper.  Where I was working, no one really had known I had a boyfriend/young man (I didn’t want to call him my boyfriend at the time), so I couldn’t really talk to them about it.  Again, another layer of can’t say anything.  The guy and I had decided not to tell anyone, which makes sense, but did make it hard for me to work through my issues when we broke up, because I felt like I had no one to talk to. (Not his fault, btw) I did have people to talk to in my family, but again, I didn’t want to say too much because I didn’t want to make it sound like I had given him my heart.

So through all the stress of that, I ended up changing my position at work, going from full to part time (almost part time :P ), and starting to work things out myself.  Around that time, I started to consider changing churches and around my 22nd birthday, it became clear to me that I needed to go worship somewhere else.  It was nothing related to the pastor or anything like that, it was all me.  There were completely innocent things happening at church that were giving Satan toe holds in my mind and I had so much trouble focusing on God, rather then on the fact that I was single.  In March of this year, I started attending a different church and it has been such a blessing. I feel that I am actually growing, rather then just attending. There are possibilities for service for me, there are people who love to see me and who I love to see.  It feels like a family. So I am glad for the change.

Also in February, I decided that I was finally ready to join an online dating site.  I had considered doing that for years, but it never felt like the right time or anything, so I never did.  But it finally felt like the right time.  So I did.  At the end of February, I met a young man on Christianmingle.com, hours before his subscription expired and hours after mine had begun (God has amazing timing :) ).  It’s now been almost 5 months and we are still talking regularly, almost every day.  He is on the other side of the country (God didn’t make it easy :) ), but technology is so amazing that I can still connect with him.

There are things about this guy that just amaze me at times.  For example, I don’t feel any pressure to change the woman I am to fit a image of woman that he has.  He likes me for being me.  He’s a good deal older then me, so he has somethings figured out better then I do.  I don’t quite know how this will all work out (I haven’t been able to travel up and meet him yet), but this relationship has been a great one so far.

So girls, there is hope out there :)  .  If you really wait on God, he will work things out.  Maybe not in the way you expected, but he does have a plan and he will make all things work to the good of those who love him.  Follow him and things will work out eventually.  That sounds so trite, but it really isn’t.

God bless!

Accidental or Intended?

24 Jun

Recently I saw “Accidental Husband”, with Urma Thurman, Colin Firth, and Jeffery Dean Morgan (amazing actors, all of them).  If you don’t know about the handsome Colin Firth, he also played a character in the 1995 BBC Pride and Prejudice as Mr Darcy. So, at least for me, it was most interesting watching him in the Accidental Husband, since he plays a very different character.

The Netflix description: Radio talk show host and relationship expert Emma Lloyd has always led a sensible life, with the right career and the right fiancé — until she learns the shocking news that she’s already married to another man she’s never even met.

So it sounded really interesting to me.  Before I was able to finish the movie, I was given a book to read called “The Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After”, which talks about how Jane Austen gave us examples of how to live happily ever after in love (that is another blog post, and every woman needs to read this!). So after reading the book and finally finishing “The Accidental Husband”, a thought struck me: Does Emma get a happy ever after? A REAL happy ever after?  The premise of “The Accidental Husband” is finding real love, not just infatuation or a one night stand.  Emma, played by Uma Thurman, goes through this.

She starts out engaged to a very sensible, good man, Richard (played by Colin Firth).  She has a radio show telling other girls how to avoid heartbreak (basically).  Side note: While avoiding heartbreak is all well and good, I’m learning that if you are afraid to trust, not only will you avoid heartbreak, but you will also avoid all the good things that come with trusting a person (this does not have to be a man).  Anyway, a girl calls into Emma’s show and Emma tells her to break it off with Patrick, played by Jeffery Morgan, a really good guy who is a fireman and loves her deeply. I don’t know how, but Patrick has figured out how to love like a woman (weird thought, no?).  Anyway Patrick is really hurt by what Emma did and figures out how to get back at her: Marry her.  But don’t tell her.  Since Emma is trying to get married to Richard, this throws a wall up on the process.  So Emma tries to get an annulment.

Now, right here, the comparison between Patrick and Richard is all in the favor of Richard, not Patrick.  I mean, come on! Richard is a great guy, he has a good job, he is publishing Emma’s book, he has good job, he brings Emma breakfast in bed, what more could a girl want? He’s stable, responsible, adult, grown up. Where as Patrick gets mad at a guy after losing a soccer game, is a fire man, and gets angry at his fiance when she breaks up with him.  Oh, and makes a really rash choice to try and ruin Emma’s life.  So yeah, it looks really good for Richard, right?  Maybe?

Now Patrick has a chance to play with Emma’s heart.  And he does.  Well, not really, but he does give Emma a look at a different kind of life.  She lives in downtown, with suit coats and sterile environments.  Patrick lives with an indian family, full of joy and noise and people who love.  What a change for Emma. To go from people who barely say hi to seeing people who laugh together, love each other.  And to have a man who loves her. AND she’s supposed to be married to this man already (BONUS: No wedding plans!)

Suddenly her very normal, regulated life with Richard does sound rather boring. Can we understand? I can.  A huge apartment, where Richard stresses which color of white (over three shades), or a tiny apartment that is lived in? A man who comes to your work building just to call your show or a man who can’t make the cake tasting for his wedding? But, the dilema: Should you go with the guy who feels right or the guy who sense dictates is right?

I guess I shouldn’t tell the end of the movie.  I hope I’ve got your interest into the movie. It is just a chick flick, but it’s good.  Anyway, when I started writing this, I wasn’t sure if Emma had made the right choice in the end, but now, I am starting to think that even though it doesn’t seem right, it will work out for her in the end and she will be happy.  Maybe the movie is right.  Maybe finding someone who is completely compatible with you is not the right way to go about finding a mate.  I’m not sure, but I enjoyed the movie :) .

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