Am I pregnant?

24 Apr

How can you not know you are pregnant? Over the years, when I would read news stories about women who didn’t realize they were pregnant till they were actually having the baby, I thought that was weird. Honestly, how can you NOT know? If you don’t have your period, you’re pregnant, right?
Well, now that I’m trying to get pregnant, I finally understand. It is no longer as simple as ‘no blood = baby’ to me. With irregular periods, meeting woman on birth control where they don’t have periods, I am starting to understand how someone could not know. Twice now, I have been rather late on my cycle. The first time was a combination of stress and a yeast infection, and the second was stress and I probably had a period, but the bleeding was so light, I didn’t count it. Both times, I truly thought I was pregnant, or at least, I hoped SO badly, only to have my dreams crushed a few days later. Even now, with my cycle being late once again, I’m not allowing myself to think the positive. I’m trying to hold back, trying to avoid the roller coaster I know will happen if I turn out not to be pregnant.
I am starting to think that while for some, it is easy to clearly see a sign that tells them “yes, there is a little human in your belly now”, for others the signs are not so clear. What are the signs we accept for pregnancy? One sign is being late on your cycle. This could be for lots of reasons, though, most commonly stress. If you had a stressful month or even a stressful week when you would have ovulated, then your body may have been trying to be nice and give you a break. Now you are 2, maybe even 3 weeks late. But you still have your period, so you aren’t pregnant. But what if you are late, and later then you have been. Still doesn’t mean you are, because maybe you didn’t ovulate at all and your hormones never got to a point where a lining formed, so there is nothing to cleanse from your body. Now you could really be 2 months late and STILL not be pregnant.
What about nausea, you ask? What about it? Not every woman is going to hurl her breakfast, or hurl before her breakfast just because she is pregnant. Not all women have morning sickness. So you are late on your cycle, have a few bouts of mild nausea, but nothing dramatic. Now what? Do you assume this could be pregnancy? Or do you just wait. And wait. And maybe, you wait so long you don’t realize that the weight gain is not just that big chicken dinner last night, but a tiny human. And you don’t realize that the cramps and tumbles in your gut are the movements of said child, but you assume they are unhappy muscles or your tummy not sitting well with your breakfast. At this point, we will also assume that you haven’t had children before or are not planning on having a child, so the explanation of cramps and upset tummy fit in just fine with your symptoms. And 9 months later, you suddenly have a tiny human who absolutely demands on being cared for and being fed and OH MY, you are completely not ready! There are no diapers, no onesie, nothing to welcome this little one.
I understand this now. I’m currently waiting till the 3rd skipped cycle in a row to even consider getting a pregnancy test. And this makes me think, if I wasn’t hoping to be pregnant, would I even take the time to do that? How easy would it be to just be happy with the long break from periods and not realize at all what miracle is going on inside my belly? I didn’t understand, but now, I do.

Homesickness

20 Oct

Living in a new place, you expect an element of homesickness. I have found that the things that I might expect make me homesick don’t, but strange things have given me that feeling. 2 things in particular make me homesick today.

1. I miss my sister’s hugs. My sister gives really big, tight hugs and looking at this picture makes me miss her hugs. Alot.

2. Chiropractic. The above mentioned sister got me into chiropractic and I absolutely loved it. It made me feel better, helped with pain, it was wonderful. So as soon as I could when I got here, I found a new chiropractor This one is good, he really is. He makes my shoulders feel much better, but at the same time, it made me miss Dr LaLonde, his table, his conversation, the whole atmosphere of the office.

I know as I go along, this will get better. I know I will make and build relationships and friendships and memories here in NY. I also know it takes me time to do all this. And at the same time, building new stuff will remind me of the old. It is nice to know that I can remember and love the old, but I must also embrace the new, otherwise I will be left with just the old and nothing else. And I want the new to be as wonderful as the old was. But it will be wonderful in a very different way, which means I will never replace, only add to.

Happily Ever After

15 Oct

This greeted me when I got on FB this evening:

My wonderful husband and I were married just shy of a month ago and getting to see this picture today just made my whole day that much more wonderful.

Ender’s Game: Film and Book Comparison

21 Jun

Ender’s Game. The exploration of the ‘game’ of war as played by incredibly smart and talented children. Yes, children.

My father and roommate were both interested in this film when we heard it was coming out. My father really enjoyed the books as a young man (and still does to this day) and my roommate was excited about it. I had never read the books, never even heard or really considered Orson Scott Card’s works in any shape. But I do love a good sci-fi story and I love stories that have real heart to them. And I have a passion for film adaptations of books.

So my first step was to read the book. Let me just say, Orson Scott Card is an incredible writer. All at the same time, he had me loving and hating Ender, disgusted and thrilled at the games, intrigued and frustrated by the politics. This book is so complex and yet at the same time, it is so simple. And now, after watching the movie, I feel it caught that simple idea.

Now I literally went from book to movie. I finished the book during a break at work in the morning, and came home and watched the movie in the afternoon. So pardon me, because both are kinda fresh in my mind, but yet neither strikes me as being better or being terribly different. There are differences. Please note that spoilers will follow to fully illustrate my points.

The first major difference is Ender’s age. In the book, Ender goes from a 6 yr old boy to a 10 yr old defeater of the buggers (term the book used). In the movie, it seems that Ender is set up from day 1 as a boy of about 12, I would guess. He’s not as young as in the books, which actually has several film related practical reasons. 1. You only have to cast one person in the role of Ender if you make him almost into puberty. 2. It makes more sense to condense down the timespan. For the film, I think the age of Ender worked, especially since everyone else was also around his age. But that is a big change, so change 1.

Next is the time span. The events of the story spread across 4 years in the book. In the movie, I kinda got the impression that only about 1 year tops passed. I could be wrong, seeing as they did skip past most of the dull, tedious stuff in the school and such in the film. But that was my impression. On one hand, this is a big deal. One doesn’t get the full feel for Ender and his friends or get to see all different kinds of relationships that they built in the book. However, it does keep this from being a six film series (not that they shouldn’t consider one day making a mini series or tv show from this). And it keeps things moving in a way that doesn’t leave us totally hating Ender before the end. I’m not saying that you can’t have a good film and hate the lead, but it usually doesn’t work that way. And for this film, the filmmakers needed you to fully emphasize with Ender when the screen came up at the end and he realizes that he has fully wiped out the Formics and has been fighting a real war with these games. And realizes how much he has been lied too. So I think for the film, it worked.

Also, we don’t get any of the political stuff played out by Valentine and Peter on earth while Ender is training in space. Which would make a whole film on it’s own (that is why this would make an amazing mini series), yet would 1, take away from Ender’s story and 2, make the film REALLY long. I am sorry we missed out on the political stuff, but for the story the filmmakers chose to tell in the movie, it would not have quite fit in like they needed it to.

But what I found most interesting is that in both the film and the movie, the idea that there is this boy who is being turned into this amazing weapon and losing his own humanity. He always fights to win. Yet in the fight to win, he starts to lose himself. Who he is, the control he has over his own choices and life. That concept, expressed differently in both mediums, is still there and is what gives the power and intrigue to Ender’s Game and can help to explain why it has lasted as long as it has.

 

Overall, I would give Ender’s Game the book a rating of 8 stars. And the movie, I would give a rating of 7 stars.

Everything Wrong with the Hobbit

18 May

So when the first Hobbit film came out, I had decided for financial reasons, I was not interested in watching it. This really rubbed some people the wrong way. I now can say two things: 1 – I kinda want to see the Unexpected Journey and 2 – The Desolation of Smaug seems to be quite summed up in 14 mins.

How to do I know this? These two amazing videos

I must say the first one does look tolerable. The second one, though, makes me wonder what Tolkien did wrong that Jackson had to add so much to the films. What is so wrong with the second third of Tolkien’s Hobbit book that they had to do THAT much with it. Yes, I’ve only seen a quick 14 min run down of the film, but you know what, I think I kinda got the gist and feel no need to watch the whole thing. PROBLEM! I’m sorry, but if a stupid youtube video can give the whole feel of a film in 14 mins, the film is WAY too long.

P.S. I do not agree with everything these guys say, I just found the videos amusing. And yes, I may look into watching the first Hobbit film. Much more inclined to see it now.

BIG News and Change

23 Nov

Since May, when I last posted, some pretty big things have happened. I moved out on my own, kinda in prep for when I married, went up to spend a WHOLE week with my boyfriend in New York (his home) and when I got there, he had a surprise for me.

A ring! Yep, Edwin asked me (Tabitha) to marry him and I said yes! So excited for this big change in my life.

 photo 131017_274.jpg

 photo 131017_270.jpg
Edwin has some pretty major health issues that I have known about from the start, so we will live in New York where he is established in the medical community. Perhaps one day we will move, but that is for the future. So at this time I am preparing to move to New York state next fall.

And we are also in the beginning stages of planning a wedding🙂. And I am going to be making not only my wedding gown, but also I will be helping my mother make the bridesmaides gowns, so there will be more sewing progress posts coming.

The Sunflower

15 May

Imagine a beautiful yellow Sunflower. It’s tall and strong, with lovely petals and full leaves. It stands in a garden, among other beautiful flowers. The other flowers are different, roses, daisy’s, geraniums. All the flowers are beautiful and all together they make a beautiful picture.

 

One day people come into the garden. They admire the flowers, including the Sunflower. But as time goes by, it seems to the Sunflower that the other flowers are more admired then she is. The rose is nurtured, while she needs very little obvious attention. The daisy’s are picked and played with, while the Sunflower is too big for braiding into chains.

 

Slowly the flowers begin to be picked. Off go the roses, dance away the daisy’s, parade away the geraniums. All, but the Sunflower. She is still admired, but now only from afar. She seems to need nothing, so she is left alone.

 

Sunflower begins to draw away. The sun seems to be the only one who as any interest in her, showering her with warmth. She reaches up to the sun, striving only to please it. She still puts out a good show, petals of yellow and full leaves, but there is more of an imperial air about her. She is only admired from a distance. Yet the Sunflower longs to be picked and chosen, to know that she is just as wanted as the rose or daisy.

 

One day a Shepard enters the garden. He admires and touches all the flowers in the garden. Sunflower resents this and draws her self up as high as she can. Gently, the Shepard approaches the Sunflower. The Shepard is very handsome and seems so kind that the Sunflower longs to relax and let him touch her. But at the same time she afraid to be rejected by him, so she keeps herself tall and aloof.

 

The Shepard is not deterred. With soft hands, the Shepard starts to smooth out the stiff leaves of Sunflower. The fact that she resists him doesn’t stop him. He keeps his attentions on her, moving down her stem to the ground around her roots. Gently he begins to loosen the dirt and prepares to move her into a large pot. This frightens the Sunflower. Where is this Shepard taking her? What horrors does he have in store for her?

 

It is strange to her, but the Shepard does have a plan. He takes the pot with Sunflower in it to another garden. HIS garden. There all the flowers reach for the sun and strive to be as beautiful as they can to gain the Shepard’s attention first. He plants the Sunflower in this garden.

 

Everyday the Shepard comes out and dotes on the Sunflower. All the attention she has needed and desired is now hers. Soft hands to warm her and gentle waters to revive her. Food she has never tried and love that she has never known is hers now.